Before and After examples

Readability Index and reading grade levels explained: FAQs 5.

Email
Names changed
Results – 54% Shorter, 1.9 Reading grade levels simpler

525 Characters, 6.5 Reading level

Before

 

Subject: Conversation Follow-up at Swiss investment dinner

Hi Mr. Streit,

It was a pleasure to meet you this past Thursday at the foreign investment dinner hosted by the Swiss government. To follow-up on our conversation, I would appreciate showing you investment opportunities in the canton of Bern.


I would also appreciate discussing with you how it might be valuable for you and your company. I would like to meet you at your earliest convenience. Would it be possible for you to meet sometime next week or the week after? This would be the best for me and give me enough time to prepare.

 

Looking forward to the possibility of our next meeting.

My very best regards,

Danielle Nahdi

239 Characters, 4.6 Reading level

After

 

Subject: Introduction – Swiss investment dinner

Hi Mr. Streit,

It was a pleasure to meet you last Thursday at the Swiss foreign investment dinner. I would like to show you investment opportunities in Bern. I believe I have a good idea of what you’re looking for. If you agree, how about next sometime?

 

Kind regards,

Danielle Nahdi

Contact LEAN INFORMATION for details.
  • Black LinkedIn Icon

LEAN INFORMATION, Bern, Switzerland

Copyright © 2020 by Lean Information Ronald Hyams. All Rights Reserved
Terms and Conditions
  •  Privacy Policy