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Names changed
Results – 54% Shorter, 1.9 Reading grade levels simpler

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525 Characters, 6.5 Reading level

Before

 

Subject: Conversation Follow-up at Swiss investment dinner

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Hi Mr. Streit,

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It was a pleasure to meet you this past Thursday at the foreign investment dinner hosted by the Swiss government. To follow-up on our conversation, I would appreciate showing you investment opportunities in the canton of Bern.


I would also appreciate discussing with you how it might be valuable for you and your company. I would like to meet you at your earliest convenience. Would it be possible for you to meet sometime next week or the week after? This would be the best for me and give me enough time to prepare.

 

Looking forward to the possibility of our next meeting.

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My very best regards,

Danielle Nahdi

239 Characters, 4.6 Reading level

After

 

Subject: Introduction – Swiss investment dinner

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Hi Mr. Streit,

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It was a pleasure to meet you last Thursday at the Swiss foreign investment dinner. I would like to show you investment opportunities in Bern. I believe I have a good idea of what you’re looking for. If you agree, how about meeting next week?

 

Kind regards,

Danielle Nahdi

Contact LEAN INFORMATION for details
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